"In actual fact the girl will think shes too good for you and you should go back to shopping for girls in your own league" - Laura
The best date ever!!!
Here are twenty hot tips to guarantee you success on getting the girl of your dreams to actually go on a date with you, followed by tips on how to make sure the first date all goes smoothly. Picture the scene, your standing in a crowded bar and the fittest honey you have ever seen walks past you. After catching your breath and wiping the drool off your chin you decide you would never forgive yourself if you didn’t try to at least get her number (lets face it, one of the best mottos to live by in my opinion is ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’).
So what is the best approach to go for in this situation that will leave you smiling and happy rather than having all your mates take the piss and her pouring her drink over your head?
Read on for my top 10 tips to asking a girl out (or at very least getting her digits):
Getting the girl!
1. Clothing
Approach her wearing a footie shirt with vindaloo stains down the front and all you’ll be getting is a turned back. See our article on clothing for the best advice on what to wear to please the eyes of the ladies
2. Smell
Subconscious pheromones are good, blatant BO or mildew smelling togs are bad, bad, bad. Pick a subtly fragranced body wash and then use similar smelling cologne for a quick burst of scent once dressed.
3. Hair
Make an effort guys. Bed head and straggly unkept bird’s nests will not bag you a beauty. You don’t have to go ott on the gel etc but at least get a decent, regular cut to keep your barnet in pulling condition. We have a large section of information on hair styling to help you all out a little
4. Manners
“Aw’right love can I buy you a pint?” may seem a generous offer but unless you are seriously wanting to pull a Vicky Pollard then I suggest a more tactful approach. Politely introduce yourself, pay her a genuine compliment and look honestly into her eyes. Us ladies can (usually) spot a charmer out for an ‘easy pull’ a mile off so be careful!
NOTE ON GENUINE COMPLIMENT: No and I repeat no cheesy chat up lines. Really take time out before you approach to her plan what exactly you are going to say. What about her really attracted you and if it’s because she has knockers the size of barrage balloons then look for another good feature. If you go up to her and tell he she has lovely legs when its blatantly obvious to everyone she has knees more knobbly than a bag of conkers then not only will she think your taking the piss, but you definitely wont be getting a date.
5. Perceived personality
If as soon as she turns her back, she or the people she is with sees you putting your thumbs up to your mates then your likely to be left standing alone very quickly. Yes you may be gagging for a shag but at least try and act like a gentleman for the best part of the evening. You don’t have to pretend to be Mr. Darcey or some member of the royal family but be polite and courteous and you never know you may actually end up with a regular date!
6. Attitude
Act too cocky or flash your cash too much and the girl (if she has any sense) will rinse your wallet and disappear before you know it. Be genuine and subtle. If you think the vibes you are getting back are good then be grown up and just ask for her number.
7. Friends
Unless your mates are chatting to the group she is with or they have some reason for standing behind you whilst all this is taking place, then do not allow all your boozy mates to stand in earshot to hoot and cheer at every word you say to her. If they do the girls will disappear faster than a group of virgins on prom night.
8. Location
If you already know the girl you like and know where she usually goes out then try to plan you ‘accidental’ bumping into her some place where its not too noisy. Don’t leave approaching her until the end of the night when she is so shitfaced she’s unlikely to remember your name ten minutes later. If you happen to spot the girl of choice by chance then don’t try and chat her up by any of the following: the speakers in the club/ big group of rugby players/ whilst all her mates are watching and giggling. Hope you’re getting the idea?
9. Initial approach
DO IT YOURSELF. In school sending over a mate to proclaim undying live was cute, sending a paper aeroplane/beer mat may seem cool but as long as your target is over the age of 18 then the personal approach wins hands down. You’re a man so take control and act like one!
10. Charm offensive
If the whole chat up is going well and you think it seems appropriate and you have to confidence to take it one step forward then the best way to score an extra couple of brownie points is to charm the people she is out with. A word of warning- paying her fit mates lots of compliments will make you look like a player; sucking up to her male mates will make you look like a closeted gay. Again, to pull this off you have to be genuine and friendly. Talk sport with the guys and ask the girls how they know each other etc.
Whisking her off her feet
So, the woman of choosing has agreed to go on a date with you. Now comes the more serious bit. Whether you are taking her for a drink or a pulling out all the stops with a nice meal, here are some top tips to make sure it all goes smoothly. (Remember, taking a girl to the cinema lacks imagination and is best left until a few dates down the line. If you like her and want to get to know her then trying to tell each other your life stories whilst kids throw popcorn at your head will not make the best first date impression!)
11. Your opinions
Whilst most women like a strong man who stands by what he believes in, if you reveal certain strong beliefs too early on, you may end up putting your foot so far in the your mouth you end up chocking. For example I will never forget one of my mates getting into a conversation on a first date about young single mums, after ranting on for a bit assuming his date was agreeing with everything he said, she then piped up to announce “maybe this is a good time to tell you I’m a young single mum”. Need I say more?
12. Your life story
You don’t have to reveal everything in one go so if you have led a full and action packed life then take your time. Reeling off an action man CV will just make you sound like a knob. If your life is about as exciting as your gran after Christmas dinner, then maybe its best to ask her about her life and expand on that.
13. Future goals and aspirations
You may think that telling her you want to go to Africa and save the children makes you sound like a really caring guy that she would love to jump in bed with but unless you are talking to a Christian missionary then she will be probably assume you are talking utter shite and do a runner while pretending to go to the ladies. Keep it honest and only say it if you really believe it’s realistic. Being the next American idol is a little far fetched.
14. Ask her questions about her
Women love to talk about themselves but most importantly we need to really believe the guy we are talking to is actually listening to us. The story of how she acquired he latest pair of shoes may drive you to want to stab yourself in the eye with a rusty fork but try to resist; grin, bear it and ask her a couple of questions about whatever she is talking about to prove you are listening and interested. It will all pay off when you wake up with her latest pair of shoes on your bedroom floor!
15. Don’t play games
Yes you guys may be the master of all sports but when it comes to psychological games us ladies win hands down so don’t even try to enter the contest! If she senses your trying to play mind games with her - especially on the first date, she liable to go shag your best mate and then let you find out about it a month later just to prove a point.
16. Compliments
Please refer to the previous notes on compliments. Again whilst on the date you can pay a few compliments. Usually the “wow you look stunning” when you first see her at the beginning of the date will be sufficient. Under this category I will also note about manners. Be a gentleman. It may be 2007 but I still believe most women will love having doors opened for them and chairs pulled out. I would however draw the line at the guy having to put his handkerchief over a puddle for me- unless of course I’m wearing my fancy pair of shoes!
17. Topics of conversation
I am going to add a further category to the common known three topics of conversation you should never discuss with people you don’t know that well. The first is sex. The second, religion and the third is politics. Please refer to number 11 for reasons why. My fourth and newest addition is the ‘ex- files’. No I'm not talking about little green aliens but your last bunny boiler girlfriend. There is no need for the ex discussion on your first date unless there is a damn good reason. Your new date does not need to know how great/mean/grumpy your ex was. There is a certain conundrum which ultimately develops from mentioning your ex: Most girls will instinctively ask “what did your ex look like?” We can’t help asking - its natures curse the same as when a fit girl in a short skirt walks past and you boys can’t help but look because its instinct.
Anyhow, on answering this question you cannot possibly win. If you tell your date your ex was a minger, then you may think this is helping your current date feel secure and better about herself but no. In actual fact the girl will think shes too good for you and you should go back to shopping for girls in your own league.
This means she will either rinse you for the most expensive thing on the menu or ditch you for the cute guy at the end of the bar who has been giving her the eye since you walked in. If you tell your date that your ex was stunning she will conclude any of the following- you are still in love with her and she will never compare/you will cheat on her with someone fitter/how could she ever get undressed in front of you because your ex would never have as much cellulite as her. So you see if you enter into this discussion it’s a mind field. Enter at your own risk and make sure you’re armed to the hilt if you do!
18. Don’t lead her on
You may think women are all emotional wrecks and yes for a lot of the time most of us are but only if we feel unjustly treated. If you want a no-strings relationship then don’t tell her over dinner while gazing into her eyes that you want to marry sometime soon and have kids. If you’re honest about your intentions towards us then say.
That way it’s up to us to decide what we want to do about it. If you said your not up for a full on relationship but the girl goes along with it anyway she can hardly then turn around when things don’t work out and say you lead her on (providing of course you haven’t chosen some complete psycho to hook up with and do watch out coz there are a few about!)
19. The long game
If you want more than a one night stand (and I’m assuming by this point you do or you would have blagged her into the sack somewhere around tip 5) then try not to sleep with her on the first date!
Even if she wants to and you resist she will think you are a) sweet b) respect her and c) have an STI (but mostly a and b). If you do sleep together that night then beware of repercussions- you will wonder if this is common practice for her and she will be thinking exactly the same about you.
This then raises trust/respect issues later on in the relationship.
* Footnote from Paul - Also this is a great tactic (if a little harsh) If often makes the girl wonder if she is as desirable as she could be. She'll make more effort next time!
20. Don’t worry if you do cock up
She will probably be as nervous as you and at the end of the day you are both human and know the score. First dates can be hard and awkward but you’re both there because you want to be and because there is something you find attractive about each other so hold onto that. Take my advice and hopefully you shouldn’t go far wrong!